You’ve probably heard of the “mean girl”. Well, this time it is the “mean cat”. Sally pounces at her two female feline housemates every day with no provocation. I asked her why she does this and here is a bit of our discussion:
Sally: I can’t help it if I like to pick on them. It’s just my nature. I’m the mean cat.
Frances: I don’t believe that one bit, Sally. You can make a choice. Every minute of every day you can make a choice to be a better kitty to your housemates. Nicer to yourself even. You don’t have to wear the badge of the mean cat. You are choosing to do this, and Mom needs you to change that badge. This is hard on Mom due to her health situation, and it would benefit her and yourself to make that change. Kelly and Lisa don’t deserve the brunt of your bullying. They have done nothing to you to cause this. Don’t blame them for anything that happened to you in the past. Move on and take in the love this family has for you. Open your heart and I bet you will be very surprised by what happens – in a good way. What do you think? Does this make sense to you?
Sally: I understand what you are saying. I wish I could believe it is that simple. I have not been able to trust anyone, people or cats, in my entire life, until now. Mom and Dad are great, I do trust them to some extent, but I’m always waiting for the next thing to happen, to show me the good life I have now is going away. I still have that fear, you know?
Frances: Yes, honey, I do understand that fear. Let me tell you what that stands for: false evidence appearing real. It is your mind telling you things will get worse without any evidence to back it. You are working on old patterns that you no longer need to hold on to. Your life today is nothing like it was before. Look forward, and expect better and better, not worse and worse. I know this is easy for me to say but give it a try. You can start with minute-by-minute. Then hour-by-hour and day-by-day. Think of every time the sun comes up, it is another chance to make a decision to be a happy, loving, and gentle cat to show your family, human, and feline that you can do this. I know you can do this, Sally. I have faith in you, and I know your Mom and Dad do, too. Does this make sense? Can you do this?
Sally: You make it sound so simple. I know sometimes I feel bad when I have picked on Kelly. I don’t know Lisa well enough to know if I even like her or not. She hisses and stuff, so I just keep doing my stuff with her.
Frances: You do realize she does the hissing because you do your stuff to her, right?
Sally: Yeah, I guess if I stop then she probably will stop too, right?
Frances: Yes, that is how it works. You be nice to her, and she will learn she can be nice right back to you. One step at a time. Every day is a new day to practice being nice. This is the best for all involved in your family, you do realize this, right?
Sally: Yeah, I see this now. I guess I just have to give it a try as you say.
Frances: Thank you, Sally. It will get better every day, I promise. I will be talking with mom in a little bit. Anything you want to say to her?
Sally: Sorry for being such a mean cat to the others. I guess I am just afraid that things will not last as good as it has been since coming to live with you. I know now that Frances says it’s my mind saying it won’t last, I can practice being nice and accept it for what it is. I am happy with you and Dad and even the other cats. I guess I was afraid I was being replaced with the new ones coming in. I know I came after Kelly, but I still felt like maybe I could replace her somehow. I don’t know, I guess my mind was doing funny stuff and I was acting on it by being mean. I will do my best not to be mean but be nicer and nicer each day. Wow, this sounds like a big deal, doesn’t it? I do love everyone here and want to do better, I really do.
Frances: Thank you, Sally. I’m sure Mom and your family will appreciate you much more when you relax and enjoy your life without fear. I’ll be talking to Mom soon. Bye for now.
Sally: Bye and thank you again. This is a big step for me.
Frances: You’re very welcome, and yes, it is indeed.
