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| Happy St. Patrick's Day! |
When couples decide to go their separate ways, they can talk it over – sometimes calmly, sometimes not – but what do the pets go through? How do they know what is going on when their mom and dad go to different corners? Why aren’t they together? What did we do to cause this? Pets (as well as young children) don’t understand the complexity of relationships, nor should they necessarily need to know all the details. They just want to know “what about me”?
I recently spoke with a client going through this very situation and she asked me to speak with her two dogs, Sarge and Little Man – two male greyhounds, 7 and 5 years old respectively. Sarge is the strong stoic one who doesn’t show much emotion. Little Man is the sensitive guy who shows his concerns very vocally.
Frances: Mom and dad are not going to live together and mom will be living someplace else. It’s nothing you two did to cause this, it is something that humans sometimes go through. Does that make sense to you?
Sarge: Yes, but what about us?
Frances: That’s what I want to talk to you each about individually ok?
Sarge: Yeah, I guess so, but we will listen to each other too.
Frances: That is perfect. So Little Man I want to start with you, ok?
Frances: That’s what I want to talk to you each about individually ok?
Sarge: Yeah, I guess so, but we will listen to each other too.
Frances: That is perfect. So Little Man I want to start with you, ok?
Little Man: Ok – but am I staying with dad or mom?
Frances: Which would you like to stay with?
Little Man: If I stay with mom, will I never see dad or if I stay with dad, will I never see mom?
Frances: You tell me what you would like, that’s why I am talking with you.
Little Man: I love dad but I’m more close with mom – she understands me when I get scared and she knows how to comfort me. I know dad loves me, but mom understands me more. I don’t want to hurt dad’s feelings and I will miss Sarge, but I really want to be with mom.
Frances: Thank you, Little Man, I know that is hard to say to me and I appreciate you telling me your feelings. In case it happens where dad wants you to stay with him, will you be ok with that?
Little Man: Yes, of course, I know he loves me and I love him too.
Frances: Would you want to visit with mom or dad depending on who you stay with?
Little Man: I would as long as it isn’t hurtful to either one to see each other.
Frances: Little Man, you are so considerate of their feelings – I’m so honored to be talking with you. You are much more mature than many humans, do you know that?
Little Man: Well, I never really thought about that, I just know being kind and loving is all I know, I’m very blessed.
Frances: Yes, you certainly are blessed with two loving people who care for you very much. Anything you want to tell mom and dad?
Little Man: Please tell mom and dad I love them both very much and I’m sorry you are going through this situation. I am grateful for you choosing me to be in your family and will always remember the good times. Whatever happens I want you both to be happy and I will be happy with whatever you decide.
Frances: Thank you, Little Man. Sarge it’s your turn.
Frances: Which would you like to stay with?
Little Man: If I stay with mom, will I never see dad or if I stay with dad, will I never see mom?
Frances: You tell me what you would like, that’s why I am talking with you.
Little Man: I love dad but I’m more close with mom – she understands me when I get scared and she knows how to comfort me. I know dad loves me, but mom understands me more. I don’t want to hurt dad’s feelings and I will miss Sarge, but I really want to be with mom.
Frances: Thank you, Little Man, I know that is hard to say to me and I appreciate you telling me your feelings. In case it happens where dad wants you to stay with him, will you be ok with that?
Little Man: Yes, of course, I know he loves me and I love him too.
Frances: Would you want to visit with mom or dad depending on who you stay with?
Little Man: I would as long as it isn’t hurtful to either one to see each other.
Frances: Little Man, you are so considerate of their feelings – I’m so honored to be talking with you. You are much more mature than many humans, do you know that?
Little Man: Well, I never really thought about that, I just know being kind and loving is all I know, I’m very blessed.
Frances: Yes, you certainly are blessed with two loving people who care for you very much. Anything you want to tell mom and dad?
Little Man: Please tell mom and dad I love them both very much and I’m sorry you are going through this situation. I am grateful for you choosing me to be in your family and will always remember the good times. Whatever happens I want you both to be happy and I will be happy with whatever you decide.
Frances: Thank you, Little Man. Sarge it’s your turn.
Sarge: Ok I’m ready, so you want to know what I want?
Frances: Yes, please share what you would like.
Sarge: I would like to stay with dad since we were together longer, I feel he is my person. I understand Little Man wanting to be with mom, they really did bond from the beginning. Dad will be ok with sharing him with mom – I think so anyway. I’m sorry they have to go their separate ways, but whatever makes them happy. Dad and I have been on our own before, so we’ll be fine.
Frances: Would you be ok if Little Man stayed, and mom left? Can you be the head of the household to protect everyone?
Sarge: I do that now, no big deal here. I love mom and all, but I realize things don’t always last forever – I just want them happy. I want everyone to be happy.
Frances: Thank you, Sarge. Is there anything that mom can do to make it easier on you?
Sarge: Mom is great – she is always thinking about others. I would like her to take care of herself, eat better and let’s get out and walk more. She has been so concerned about others, she forgets to ask what she wants, what would make her happy?
Frances: Sarge, you are so caring and loving of your mom and dad – but especially mom – I think you are right on target with your suggestions to mom. Anything you would like to say to mom and dad?
Sarge: Thank you for the time we’ve had together. I love you both and understand things happen in the human world that we don’t really understand, but you are both such good people. I just want both of you to be happy and if going your separate ways does that, so be it. I love and always will, regardless of who lives with who.
Frances: Thank you, Sarge for your kind words. I will be talking with mom shortly and we can talk more then. Bye for now.
Frances: Yes, please share what you would like.
Sarge: I would like to stay with dad since we were together longer, I feel he is my person. I understand Little Man wanting to be with mom, they really did bond from the beginning. Dad will be ok with sharing him with mom – I think so anyway. I’m sorry they have to go their separate ways, but whatever makes them happy. Dad and I have been on our own before, so we’ll be fine.
Frances: Would you be ok if Little Man stayed, and mom left? Can you be the head of the household to protect everyone?
Sarge: I do that now, no big deal here. I love mom and all, but I realize things don’t always last forever – I just want them happy. I want everyone to be happy.
Frances: Thank you, Sarge. Is there anything that mom can do to make it easier on you?
Sarge: Mom is great – she is always thinking about others. I would like her to take care of herself, eat better and let’s get out and walk more. She has been so concerned about others, she forgets to ask what she wants, what would make her happy?
Frances: Sarge, you are so caring and loving of your mom and dad – but especially mom – I think you are right on target with your suggestions to mom. Anything you would like to say to mom and dad?
Sarge: Thank you for the time we’ve had together. I love you both and understand things happen in the human world that we don’t really understand, but you are both such good people. I just want both of you to be happy and if going your separate ways does that, so be it. I love and always will, regardless of who lives with who.
Frances: Thank you, Sarge for your kind words. I will be talking with mom shortly and we can talk more then. Bye for now.
Both: Bye – thank you for talking with us.
Frances: You’re both very welcome.
Frances: You’re both very welcome.
For the Love of Animals,
Frances
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