Raymond Misses his Dads

My client was concerned about his dog Raymond who is a 7-year-old male mini schnauzer mix. His husband passed away three years ago and has been working through his grief.  Throughout the years Raymond has occasionally urinated in the house. However, when my client returned from a recent vacation the occasional urinating had become a constant whenever he would leave him for any amount of time.  He had him medically checked for urinary tract infection, diabetes, kidney function and a complete blood panel. The results were all within normal ranges.

Here is a portion of the initial conversation with Raymond:

Frances:  Hi Raymond – how are you?

Raymond:  I’m ok, I guess.

Frances:  You guess?  What’s going on? 

Raymond:  I guess I’m bored.  I know I have toys, but I want to go outside and play with other dogs.  I want to go to a park with grass.  I like seeing other places, people and dogs.

Frances:  Is that why you are peeing in the house?  Are you mad at Dad for leaving you alone sometimes? 

Raymond:  Not just leaving me, but he doesn’t tell me where he is going and how long he’s going to be away.  Why can’t I go with him?  What’s wrong with me that he can’t take me with him?  I miss playing with my other dad.

Frances:  I’m sorry, Raymond – it’s hard on us when our dads pass away.  Does he ever come to visit?

Raymond: He used to but he stopped coming to visit us.

Frances:  Is that when you started peeing in the house more?

Raymond:   Well, kind of, yeah.  My dad went away and didn’t tell me anything, so I got mad.  Every time he leaves and doesn’t take me, I get mad.  It’s not fair.  What if something happens to him too?  What happens to me?

Frances:  Honey, I’m sorry you are upset with your dad for leaving you.  It scares you that he’s not coming back, right?

Raymond:   Yes, I get really scared I’ll be all alone.

Frances:  Raymond, your dad loves you and will always come back to you.  I will tell him how to tell you where he is going and when he is coming back so you won’t be scared for him to leave the house, ok?)

Raymond: Ok.  I guess I kind of got myself all worked up with worry, didn’t I?

Frances:  Yes, honey, I think you did, but that’s understandable when we get scared, we do things we don’t normally do – like peeing in the house, right?

Raymond:   Yeah.  I’m sorry.  I know it upsets dad.  Please tell him I’m sorry for that, ok?  

Frances:  Yes, honey, I will tell him.  Is there anything else you want to tell him?

Raymond:   Please tell him I love him so much and just get scared when he leaves the house.  Maybe he can take me sometimes?  I’ll be good, I promise.

Frances:  We will talk a bit later this morning.  Bye for now.

Raymond:   Bye and thank you for talking with me.

Frances:  You’re very welcome, Raymond.

During our appointment I shared with my client the way to share his comings and goings – not by hours of the clock, but by the actions of the day (breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime) i.e. “I’m going to go to dinner with Joe and I’ll be back before bedtime.”  In the case of overnight or vacation days I describe it as how many times the sun goes down i.e. “I will be going on a vacation and be back 7 times the sun goes down.  Aunt Susie will be staying here to make sure you have food and walks.”

I asked about the timing of the vacation and my client realized that on this trip he had released his grief of the loss of his husband.  His husband stopped coming around, so Raymond no longer was seeing him.  I assured Raymond that he didn’t love him any less, but dad no longer needed his energy to move forward in his life.

Two weeks later I received a follow-up email from my client:  Since our session two weeks ago, I have been using the time techniques you gave me, and there have only been 3 peeing accidents during this time. Thank you and I will keep using them.

For the Love of Animals,

Frances

 

Tattoo Surprise!

Roby is a 15-year-old male Chihuahua who had failing health. My client contacted me to check in with Roby to find out that he was indeed, ready to go. I always have a conversation with the pet before the appointment with my client and I then read the information to the client during the appointment.

In the initial session, Roby told me: “Please let Mom know I am ready to go when she is.  I will always be in her heart and when she thinks of me, I will be there beside her to guide her as the little pup on her shoulder.”   I took that as a metaphorical answer, as a symbol of his love always being with his mom. When we did our Zoom call, I noticed my client was adorned with several tattoos. I asked her if she was thinking about getting a tattoo of Roby on her shoulder. That is exactly what she was planning on doing but didn’t know if he wanted a paw or his picture.

Roby was enthusiastic and said, “Yes, I want my picture on her shoulder". My client replied she knew exactly which picture she would have tattooed on her shoulder. This was a first for me. It was very exciting for me to share both of their wishes, and do the right thing for each other. 

For the Love of Animals,

Frances

Don't Worry - Be Happy!

Patsy is a 14-year-old Havanese female dog who seemed very anxious, generally at night, pacing back and forth.  On car rides with Dad to her physical therapy water treatments for her back leg, she gets very anxious, panting heavily and jumping between seats, making it very unsafe for her dad to drive with her in his lap to calm her down.

Here’s part of our conversation: 

Frances:  Mom and Dad asked if I would talk with you, is that ok?

Patsy:  Sure, anything for mom and dad.  I love them very much.  I know I am getting older; my hearing is gone, and my eyesight is blurry.  I feel ok, I suppose, nothing to complain about, but I do know my time is limited.  I don’t want them to do anything special to extend my life and will do my best to go on my own when the time is right.  Not yet, but you know what I mean.  I’m glad I have this opportunity to tell them how much I have loved our life together.  They are the best mom and dad I could have ever had, especially in my later years – the food is so good!  I get special treatment, and I love it! 

Frances:  Thank you, Patsy.  When you pace in the evenings, what are you wanting from your mom and dad?

Patsy:  I get anxious at night because I am afraid that I won’t wake up in the morning. 

Frances:  What makes you think you won’t wake up in the morning? 

Patsy:  I had a dream not long ago and one of the previous dogs came to say I was going to join him soon.  He didn’t say when, so it just makes me nervous. 

Frances:  Ok, so the dog in the dream said you would be joining him – but until you do, how about just settling in with mom and dad and enjoying their company?  It’s not like you can control it so why pace and worry about it?

Patsy:  Hmm, I get what you’re saying.

Frances:  Just remind yourself to enjoy the moment with mom and dad.  If you start to get anxious, just say to yourself, “I am safe with mom and dad.”) 

Patsy:  Ok, I’ll try that, thank you.

Frances:  You’re very welcome, Patsy.  When mom leaves the house, she goes to work and then she comes home.  She always comes back.  She is safe at work and will be home before dinner.  Dad is there to keep you safe and happy; Mom will come back when she gets off work. Does that make sense?

Patsy:  Yes, it does – I just don’t understand why she has to leave, why can’t she work from home?

Frances:  Her work requires her to physically go to the building of her work.

Patsy:  Oh, ok, I guess she has to go then.


Frances:  Yes, she does. Why do you pant so much when you go on car rides?

Patsy:  I never know where we are going to go, if they are taking me someplace and not picking me up, what if they don’t pick me up?

Frances:  I will make sure Mom and Dad tell you where you are going to ease your mind.  You will always be picked up unless your mom and dad leave you overnight for special care or if they go out of town and can’t take you.

Patsy:  Ok, as long as they tell me, that will help.

Frances:  I realized you can’t hear so I will suggest that they talk to you in their thinking voice, like I am doing right now.  You will be able to hear them, but they may not be able to hear what you are telling them, so don’t get upset if they don’t hear you. 

Patsy:  Oh, ok, that sounds good.

Frances: I will talk with Mom and Dad a bit later this morning, by for now.

Patsy:  Bye and thank you for talking with me.

Frances:  My pleasure Patsy.

During the appointment, for an attitude adjustment before the car ride to therapy, I encouraged Dad to show Patsy to be happy and excited about going to play in the water with her therapist.  At night, to calm her down, ask her (in their thinking voice) to join them in sitting quietly and watching TV.

A week later I received an update from Dad:

Re:  Patsy Update

Hi Frances!

I wanted to update you on Patsy and her progress since we met last.

The panting and walking around in the living room at night is much better. She spends more time with us lying down and relaxing while watching TV. There have been a couple of times she has still gone back to her old behavior but much better. We are trying to send her a picture of her lying down and relaxing with us.

The car ride to the physical therapy place last Wednesday was night and day. I told her this would be a fun car ride, and she could lie down on the blanket (it would be OK and safe) or look out the window like you used to do. She didn’t jump back and forth; she was shaking a little bit, but not like before. She looked out the window a couple of times, and she enjoyed it with a smile on her face. Even the therapist noticed a difference in that she wasn’t as nervous.

So, thank you for helping us talk (quiet voice) to Patsy. I know it is a work in progress. We will keep working on it and keep you posted.

Take Care, 

J and K

For the Love of Animals,
Frances

Ruby Watches Over Mom

My client’s dog Ruby crossed over in July. Her words were very comforting for her mom. Frances:  Hi Ruby – I understand you crossed over in July. How are you doing? Ruby:  Yes, I did. I’m much better now that I don’t need my body to get around.  I watch over Mom when she is sad and worried about me and if she did everything she was supposed to for me.  Please let Mom know I will always love her and tell her not to feel guilty about me and my passing. Everything happened the way it was supposed to.  I was ready to go and I knew it would be easier for her not to have me on her mind when she was supposed to be working. Unlike humans, we kind of know the process for crossing over and see our greeters ahead of time.  Fear is not a part of the process because we know what it will be like when we go.  The most concerning is leaving behind the human that has all those other feelings of guilt, fear and sadness.  I do come to help Mom when she is feeling those feelings and send her loving energy to replace them. Frances:  Mom wants to know if you hated the puppy. Ruby:  I didn’t hate the puppy, I knew it was my time to go and he was my replacement so to speak.  It’s normal not to want to be without a furry companion and I knew he would be there with her when I was gone.   Frances:  Are there signs you are giving Mom so she knows you are there?  Ruby:  Sometimes she feels me in bed with her but she thinks she's imagining it.  It’s me.  I want to give her the comfort of me being there with her. Frances:  Thank you, Ruby. Ruby:  Bye and thank you for doing this for Mom. Frances:  You’re very welcome, Ruby. For the Love of Animals, Frances

 

Buddy Opens Up about His Past

Buddy is a 16-year-old male Westie (West Highland White Terrier) who was adopted in 2021. My clients wanted to know about his former owners and why he needed a new home.

Frances:  Hi Buddy – how are you? 

Buddy:  I’m ok, why?

Frances:  Your mom and dad asked if we could talk, is that ok?
  
Buddy: Sure, why not.

Frances: What was your life like before you came to live with Mom and Dad?
 
Buddy: Before I came here, I lived with an older couple.  They didn’t walk or play much with me, so we did a lot of sitting and watching the thing in the box.

Frances: Is the thing in the box with moving pictures?

Buddy: Yes

Frances: Ok, we call that a television, or TV for short.

Buddy:  Yeah that’s what it was.  They were very nice to me, but it was really loud sometimes.

Frances: I suspect they couldn’t hear very well so they had the volume up.  

Buddy: You’re probably right.  The man went away and didn’t come back and then I found the lady on the floor one morning.  It scared me, so now I follow my mom around to make sure she is ok.  

Frances:   I’m sorry that happened to you.  Unfortunately, as people get older, they sometimes get sick and pass away.  So, you don’t have to worry about your mom – she’s much younger and doing well.  Plus, your dad is there to take care of you too.

Buddy:  You sure?  

Frances: Well, I’m as sure as I can be, but I’ll check in with Mom and Dad when we talk in a little bit.
 
Buddy: Ok, thanks.

Frances: Do you want to spend more time with other dogs, or is it the caregivers at the doggy daycare that you like?  

Buddy: I guess I like people better.  I was never around other dogs much, except the place with the cages, before coming home with Mom and Dad.  

Frances:  Is there any place that you were taken by your previous mom and dad that you would like to go to?  

Buddy: They didn’t take me anywhere except the doctor and the groomer.  Towards the end, the groomer was less and less.  I guess I just know about watching TV.  I would like to be outdoors more and see beyond my own surroundings.

Frances: Is there anything you would like to tell your mom and dad?

Buddy: Please tell them that I love them very much and thank you for bringing me into your home.  I know I’m not your typical dog, but I’m happy just as I am.

Frances: I am glad you are happy Buddy.  I’ll be talking with your mom and dad soon.  Bye for now.

Buddy:  Bye and thank you for talking with me.  

Frances: You’re very welcome, Buddy.
 

For the Love of Animals,
Frances
 

Pillow Talks

Pillow is an 8-year-old female chihuahua mix rescue with whom I recently had the pleasure of speaking. She was a bit confused when I first tuned in. Here’s a portion of our conversation:

Frances:  Hi Pillow – how are you?

Pillow:  I’m ok, why? Am I in trouble?

Frances:  Honey, why would you think you were in trouble? 

Pillow:  I don’t know, but I’m afraid I’ll be taken someplace else like the previous people did. Am I staying?

Frances:  Pillow, you are staying. This is your forever home. Your mom loves you very much, so you have nothing to fear. You have a mom, a home, food and love forever.  How does that feel?

Pillow:  Oh, I am so happy to hear this. Are you sure?

Frances:  Yes, Pillow, I am sure. Can you tell me about your life before you came to live with mom?

Pillow:   First, I was with a family with little people, [kids] and they kept us outside. Little by little each of us left with other people. I was the last one and they kept me for a bit and then they had to leave so they took me to a place where other dogs were. It was ok as I was fed regularly, but not much else. It wasn’t too long before I went to live with Mom.

Frances: Thank you for sharing your life before you met Mom. Do you like your housemates Molly and Rusty?

Pillow:  Yes, they are ok. Are they staying too?

Frances: Yes, honey everyone is staying, just like you.

Pillow:  Oh, I’m so glad, I was afraid to get too close in case anyone had to leave. It hurt so much to get close and then never see them again.

Frances:  Since you have been with Mom, you had a brother who passed away. Do you miss him?

Pillow:  Actually, he still comes around and checks in to be sure we’re all getting along. He was kind of the ruleskeeper and oversaw us all.

Frances:  How do you feel about Mom’s boyfriend, Bob?

Pillow:  He’s ok as long as he keeps mom happy. I just want her to be happy. She takes such good care of us. Why does she have to leave us during the day and sometimes at night?

Frances:  That’s what people do – they go to places like work, shopping, the theatre – places dogs can’t go. She would bring you if she could – but with all of you, that would be a bit hard on her. Does that make sense?

Pillow:  Yeah, it does.

Frances:  Is there anything you want to tell your mom? 

Pillow:  Please tell her I love her very much and I am so happy to hear that I am staying. I kind of held back my feelings not knowing if I was going to stay or not, so now I’m all in. Thank you so much for choosing me and taking me home with you. I’m forever grateful. From your forever dog, Pillow. Oh, I like how that sounds!

For the Love of Animals,

Frances

 

Hellooo Dolly!

Dolly is an 11 year old Lhasa Apso mix. 

Her mom wanted to know if she was happy. 

Frances:  Hi Dolly – how are you?

Dolly:  I’m good, why?

Frances:  Your mom asked me to talk with you, is that ok?

Dolly:  Sure, anything for my mom – she’s the best. Why can’t she be with me all the time or me go with her all the time?

Frances:  Mom likes to go out of the house to work, shop, eat – stuff like that where dogs can’t go. Mom has to work to make sure you have food in your tummy and a roof over your head. Does that make sense?

Dolly:  Yeah, I suppose, but I can wish it so, right?

Frances:  Yes, you can wish and dream all you like. Do you wish to play more?

Dolly:  I would like to go for car rides and see other places. It gets kind of boring seeing the same walls all the time.

Frances:  Why don’t you like to be around other dogs?

Dolly:  I like people better, dogs are unpredictable.

Frances:  What do you like about your mom?

Dolly:  She is kind and sweet and gentle. She cares for my every need, and I love her very much. Please tell her thank you for choosing me to love and care for. I am the luckiest dog ever.

For the Love of Animals,

Frances